Jun 15, 2013

3 things excite me!

One, I'm going to have my class t-shirt tomorrow, most likely! I hope it will be amazing since I've been waiting so long.

Two, piano exam next Monday! Oh my God.. Wish me luck, though

Three, I don't know.

Jun 13, 2013

A new term and a new me.

Hey, in the mood to write something while listening to Titanium covers. The songs represents me right now, kinda and I'm head over heels over it. It's June. Half year has gone. I'm alone in the house with my parents. No more Sis around talking with me. I feel lonely yet matured.

Yet of course, I have to do numbers of house chores. Sometimes I have to juggle all my tasks and keep it balanced. No way of dropping it. With me as a girl, it's a must for me to complete everything in order to keep everyone happy. Mom's happy. Dad's happy. I'm happy. I suppose none of my friends faces this yet, I'm the first? To make sure house chores done, homework done, piano practice done, Mandarin lesson done and bla bla bla. To tell you about what I have to do will take a long time. Well, my private time increases. And I do think since Sis is not around, I concentrate more in doing things. Just because I don't have anyone to listen to my never-end talks.

Actually I really have lots of things to say. My exam resulted to be sorta good.It's just that I don't understand how people cheat. Or even ask for answers. I mean, don't they feel like they want to do the exam themselves so that they can measure their capacities. I'm confused. And when they got A, they shouted and said, "Oh, I'm so relieved! At last, an A!". I was, crashed. The so-called A, isn't theirs supposedly. Well, not 100%. I mean if you only asked for an answer, still you knew how others answer the question. Even though you answer may differ after that, it's because you are convinced that the initial answer is wrong. When exam, you don't really know which answer is wrong, unless you are certain of it. I'm not sure if anyone understand this, but to conclude this, I LOATHE PEOPLE WHO ARE SO PROUD OF THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS WHICH DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM.

As I scan myself, I don't really know what is my strong points. I mean, all my other friends seem to have their own talents. Talent. Gift. I can't really see mine. I want to know what is it but somehow, no one can help me to know what is it. I have a friend who is so pious and so confident that I do think that he is able to talk for 24 hours just about his own religion in front of a big stage. And there's one friend of mine, is a chemistry freak. I mean in our age, we're not supposed to learn it yet, but he did. Impressive. The others could play songs on piano just by hearing it, able to do mental calculation so quick. I was awestruck. Where do I stand among them? I am searching in myself and still am.

I am lost in myself. Sometimes I always wonder, what will I be? I don't even know what is my strong point or basically my advantage, my talent? I do sometimes guess maybe I belong in the literature team. I love writing so much. I love words, especially new ones that I'm always eager to use. And many teachers as well as my peers even my family were touched by my work, sometimes. I have been in writing course once for summer camp, and the teacher told me once that I am talented to write stories and journal. I admit I love writing something that I can use 'I' rather than 'she' or 'he'. But I can't see how good I can be, as a writer. I mean, I always loved to work in science field. But if my mind is not for that, can I still pursue my childhood dream? I love to write and yet I love to know something new. And still, I don't know who am I.

I love to ponder things when I'm alone or if I'm bored. I have this one thought. I am actually mental. I am actually imagining everything that is happening to me right now. Now. Maybe I can see myself right now typing using laptop, but in reality I might be half naked by the roadside pressing my fingers vigorously on a large rock beside the road. My family might be no one. Maybe what I see, is only a dream. My friends in school, are maybe just invisible friends. I created 'them' in my mind. I am actually alone. Perhaps in a circle of people who look at me, and said, "Hey, that's Lonny May.". Is my name even May?

P/S: Piano exam on 17th. Keep calm and just fly away with the melody.

And, do I really exist?