Dec 21, 2014

"Gone"

He perished
tumbled to the dear ground
he fought for
He finally forfeited
his sword impaled to the ground
and red blood suffused
the soil around him
His armour faded
the sparkling gleams
once shone
which blinded his foes;
diminished

Angel of Death
with his scythe
pulled his soul out
A white flush
for a second
and there it was
his body
on the ground

He was no more.
Neither 'was' nor 'is'
is wrong
because he still exists
in another realm,
just not among the mortals anymore

And
"Shiva, Shiva"
they all called out

*Note: Some parts of it are multireligion-based and own imaginations. 

Rest in peace. 

Dec 14, 2014

"Trust"

It is tiring
to uphold a trust 
for people 
who do not
appreciate it

Trust is abundant
I am unsure if
that is a blessing 
to others
or a mistake 
made by myself
or both

My trust upon you
is like
a fresh, green twig
growing from a century-old
tree

It does not grow so often
but once it grows
it is supposed to stay

You came
to befriend
my twig grows longer, browner 
I guessed I trust you
and vice versa  

Instead you became a pair of scissors
snap the twig of trust away
harshly from the old branch of mine
without any signs 

Dumbfounded, 
I wailed alone 

Because I'm just a tree 
I cannot run
nor shout
no one will hear

Even if they listen
my voice trembles
curt, tense 
controlled

The inner part of the tree
breaks apart
for it,
trust is vital 
so is justice

As if placing glue
could fix that wound,
it worked

The dead spot
where the twig once grew
grows again
becoming another new twig
for you

Slower,
it grows because
it is afraid
that you might snap it again

Timidly grows
somehow you fertilize it,
water it,
and people say that
there is always a second chance

Easily touched
I let you dwindle with my branch
there is no harm,
aye? 

Albeit how amicable
my presence does
to you
Now with bare hands,
braver than before
you snap 
that fragile 
twig of mine
which was yours too

Too frail
to fight back
because to all of  you
I am just a tree 
silent - shh

The vibrant tree
who longed
so dearly
for such 
fundamental values
finally forfeits 

Because
its heart is not broken
only once
or twice
or thrice
it is
much more than that

People say
"Go on"
I did
but this happens
too much

I cannot
but to let the 
dams 
crack,
break and
flow

Sep 14, 2014

Holidays

Hello it's now 4.27 am in Malaysia and I guess I just broke my personal record. I've never slept this late before. How cool is that? Mom's gonna be mad at me if she knows this though. I should type this fast and sleep before she wakes up.

I reckon I'm having insomnia right now, for no reason. First time. Uh huh.

I'm actually now crazy on Fast Forward Music band. They are AWESOME. Breathtaking. I just couldn't stop repeating their covers. They favourited my tweet too by the way. Can I just drop and die now?

Kidding, of course but they are cool. The sad thing is that they don't get the recognition they are supposed to have. So yeah, check them out in YouTube and do support them if you find them awesome too!

I just reached my home sweet home like three hours ago? Yeah and the first thing I did was to sit on the piano chair/bench and played few songs for almost an hour. Then I continued listening to Fast Forward Music covers over and over again. After that I played piano for God knows how long again. I would have strum the guitar if Mom and Dad aren't sleeping.

Basically that's my schedule for this whole week. Music. Singing. Sleeping. Eating. Perhaps, baking too. And catching up with old friends.

I gotta get my mind out of my school for a while. There's too much stuffs in my school makes me wanna forget all of them right now. I rarely find people annoying but haha, in my new school, I found at  least three annoying guys.

I can't help it but to get irritated with them. But no worries, once I don't like someone, I'll make sure it's mutual so that I wouldn't feel guilty.

It's 4.40 am now. Gosh.

Right now I'm just focusing on improving other aspects of myself, exclude academics. Improve a little of my Mandarin, learn a new language (if I have time), do song cover(s) and continue writing my story!

Check my online story through this link --> http://www.wattpad.com/story/14512604-i-don%27t-know-what-a-crush-is

It's lame, cliche, cheesy but that's just a piece of my imagination. I have more ideas coming up but not for this story, nor am I publishing them online. I want to publish them as a rigid, solid, whole, real book. And most of my ideas are fantasy, except this online story here.

What else...

I don't know, I just find my life right now having just lots of ups and downs. It's hard but people around me keep saying, "This is the road you chose." *sighs

I'll just close my eyes and sleep then. It's too tiring to see the reality.

It's 4.58 am now. 'Good night'. 

Jul 16, 2014

Life

Hey guys. Again, I neglected this little blog of mine. I'm so busy or should I say so distracted actually to care about these small stuffs that keep my memories alive. Anyways, I joined a public speaking workshop held by Toastmasters Club and it's a good one. I achieved my goal: which is not to find the courage to speak, or to enhance my English, but it is because I want to share my philosophies aloud. This is the first prepared speech that I did (based on my own thoughts that I have been sharing all this while with friends I believe are interested in this topic). But the oral one sucks because I was nervous and completely forgot what did I want to say, but nah. Just a share of thoughts, here.

"Have we ever taken a couple minutes to wonder... what is life?


Before that, good evening. This evening, I would like to talk about life. Again, what is life? Actually? Based on Google, life is the period between the birth and death of a living thing, especially a human being. Is it? Does our life start when we are born? Maybe it starts even before we are borne. Or never ends even after we die. Life is a very subjective matter, everyone can have their own opinions on life. For me, I would agree the literal definition of life that is given by Google. Still, it has not really satisfied myself because it seems too simple.

I do ponder a lot; What happened before we are borne? What will happen after we die? Where will we go? What is the point of having this duration in between of all times? In schools, we have different periods such as English period, when we will learn English. Then here comes History, and we will learn History. Every duration has its purpose, then the period of life should have its significant purpose. Why God even wants us to live and lead a human life? And place us in an uncertain period of time on Earth, then.

What if I say, He purposely do this so that we will experience something we will never face in Heaven or Hell. Based on many religions, these two places are either very divine or very gruesome places. In Hinduism, they believe that only through life, will they reach enlightenment.

Have we ever wondered too, how long that is left for us to stay here? As people always say, no one knows, only God. To go to another world of an unknown dimension after this current life is quite scary, in my opinion. Or are we actually, currently living in another dimension of afterlife? I was discussing with my friend about life when he told me that a known figure once said, “Life only starts, when that person dies.” If this, this period of time we are facing now is called life, then when were we alive? Nobody knows, and it is up to you to believe if are we now living *breathes* or already dead.

Sometimes, when life seems too perfectly-planned, I would always think, “Am I crazy?” I can imagine myself as a lunatic, walking beside the road, without direction. And this life, this scene that I am looking, all of you right now, is just an illusion playing inside my mind. Maybe when I’m talking to all of you right now, in real life or whatever, I’m talking to trees! When I’m typing on my laptop, it might be that I am actually pressing random growing mushrooms on rocks! I am actually crazy!

Have you ever thought of that? That you are actually crazy? Or that you are actually in a comma? Or you’re actually dead, this is already afterlife? Those people who are dead, are actually alive. And those morons whom you see roaming around the city, are actually normal ones?

Life is a puzzle of mystery. Time is ticking, and I have limited time. If any of you wants to discuss more, you can always find me and we can always talk about what life is. Just another reminder: Do ponder what I said and take the best part from it. Thank you."

Just to emphasize here that I don't really like to include religious stuffs into my philosophies because that will affect how I think. I just put them in my speech because there's nothing else to say and it was a public speaking workshop. So, I need the flow and the capacity of the speech. 

I felt glad to share what I thought orally. But maybe I do better in writing them down than saying them out. Cheers. 

Jun 19, 2014

A brand new kick: Semester Two

Hello everybody! It's been a long time since I've been active on my blog. I can see dust everywhere *blows

So for me, I just finished my Semester One last end of May! Phew. I was glad that I somehow can still go through such a roller coaster ride kind of life in Permata. I really never regretted my choice to move here before. Not even now. I still miss my family back at home. But I won't be long, Mommy and Papa! Three more semester to go and your daughter will be back in no time!

This week kicked well. I have a new roommate now and she is Kamini. We are friends since 2010 and we both know each other quite well. I'm glad to have her as a roommate because we are in the same batch and yeah, we can do our homework or do some discussion together, or even have fun together. I have lots of moral friends living at the same floor as I, so I am now having like a total different situation than my previous Semester One. Oh and Arathi is living with a new roommate too, Athira and she's pretty nice too. So all is well.

And my exam results. Hah. The marks for sure decreased and so do my grades. But for the mean time I still have straight As solid yet and I am very very very thankful for that. Like seriously. Thank you. I just hope I won't have A- to spoil my results. A- sucks. They drop your pointer hell damn lot. SERIOUSLY. My pointer last exam should be higher if not because of two A- for papers that I don't sit; Korean and Research. So, I'm planning to pay my revenge and thank God! I got an A+ for my research and it's the only A+ that I got. Even though there's only one, I'm so so so thankful.

I targeted to get A+ for Maths, Chemistry and Add Maths but I failed. For Add Maths and Chemistry, I almost could get two A+ but my carry marks were low. I have no idea why my carry marks are very low compared to usual. It's like, I passed all my post tests, I did my assignments, but mind maps not so good maybe because I don't like to decorate and waste so much time on that. But come on, mind maps can't really drop my carry marks down so much right? I'm not sure neither. Sigh. I'm supposed to get 94% for Chemistry if there are no carry marks at all but when it is added with carry marks, my total marks become 89%! It dropped by 5%, thus making me so far away from an A+! Fyi, Permata's A+ is 95% and above. Most of my friends have higher marks when carry marks are added. While mine is another way round. If only my carry marks are not that low, my marks would have maybe increased and I might have got an A+!

Now, do you know how freaking sad am I?

I cried a little after that because for me it is like not fair at all why my carry marks are so low. I already gave my full commitment in the class and yet.. sigh. And this happens for Maths and Chemistry. Just hoping that other subjects won't be like this too.

But then I finally realized, maybe it is me that is wrong.

No matter what, I now know that I shouldn't really take carry marks for granted anymore. And I will strive hard! Not to play so much anymore. Well, playing is still playing. But study must come first. And I just realized one thing that during the final exam, I only prepared for the subject the next day, the night before. If I studied earlier, would things become much better now? Nah, I don't know. I guess so?

Nevertheless, I shouldn't give up and keep striving. Wee Soo May, you can do it!

That's all from me tonight. Bye~ 

Jun 1, 2014

Room B 45 and Its Owners

Heyyo bloggie so today I  have good mood to post another new entry and it's going to be about... ta-da, RANDOM FACTS ABOUT MY ROOMMATES AND I! Which we basically lived in Room B 45 which you read in the title. The sad thing is.. we are 99.9% not gonna be roommates anymore for the next semester which is like WHAT THE HECK I KNOW RIGHT feeling. The remaining 0.1% is if we happens to be roommates again which is like impossible but well if there's miracle then well why not right :X

I'm gonna list all the random facts about us but mostly about my roommate. Let's start! 开始!

  1.  Her name is Arathi Jeyaratnam
  2.  She's sixteen but she's in Level 2 and she keeps bragging that she's younger than me but she is my senior hmph whatever I don't care
  3. She is a Ceylonese but people keep thinking she's an Indian pity you mate
  4. Her parents are both doctors and she wants to be a doctor too don't you guys even ask
  5. She dreams to go to Cambridge and studies Medicine and she's pretty serious about it like DAMN serious
  6. She's a so called the famous Granny in Permata but in the room, she acts like a total 3-year-old CHILD to me
  7. She would whine like a baby if something's not right and will go like, "MAAYYYYY HOWWWW WHAT SHOULD I DOOOO"
  8. She's a perfectionist, she couldn't even think easily which way to go to DM if there are two routes. So in this case, I'll usually take the lead lol
  9. She once scolded me for taking so much rice on my plate, at that time I was like ASDFGHJKL?
  10. That time there was a bee in our room and it couldn't get out and it kept attacking us and she cursed like seriously cursed the bee with so many words you can't imagine XD
  11. One night, she opened the door and screamed so loud because there's a cat suddenly ran into our room and like I said, she whined so hard saying, "MAYYYYY THERE'S A CAT IN OUR ROOM WHAT TO DOOOO"
  12. She always buys me ChaTime yeay (^^)v
  13. She's freaking scared of Permata's cats, like me.
  14. When she's super happy, she would jump around in the whole room. When I say she jumps, I really mean that she jumps all over the room saying "OMGGG MAYY I'M SO HAPPYYYY"
  15. She hates One Direction. Or should I say she hated One Direction? Refer to next facts
  16. I played Through The Dark by 1D and she was like, "Who's song is that? It sounds nice." and I replied, "1D" and she said, "Okay, I'll just redraw my words and you pretend you didn't hear what I said"
  17. I played the same 1D song a few days and she kept asking what song is that and I kept answering it's Through The Dark like for so many times until one day I played the song again. I looked at her, expecting her to ask again. She was looking at me too but then she said, "That is the song I kept asking right? Er what's the name again? Through The Dark right?" FINALLY phew
  18. Then she would sing to 1D sings without her realizing and I'll be here, quietly laughing but didn't comment because if I do, she's gonna stop and deny the fact she sang 1D songs
  19. She sang her ABRSM Singing exam songs to me which was in IDK, Spanish or German or what and it was so funny I had to control my laugh man
  20. She likes to say, "Hey I try to put my songs on shuffle and let's see which song is the first"
  21. When there's Internet crisis, she would use my laptop as if she owns it :P SHE EVEN MADE A FOLDER FOR HER IN MY FREAKING LAPTOP luckily I am a nice roomie :3
  22. We made a few Moral kids family trees before until about one in the morning :X
  23. "THIS IS THE BEST DRINK I'VE EVER HAD MAY" when she drank her first yogurt drink ever. Thanks to my sister who bought for her haha XD
  24. The movies we watched together before is: A movie about skating and love (I don't remember the title anymore), Spirited Away, The Last Song and the latest was Miracle In Cell No 7 (I cried at one part like hell and she was just portraying her normal face lol) Wait. Why do I feel like I missed some here?
  25. She has a crush and both of us know who that freaking person is heh heh
  26. She. Is. Damn. Lazy. To. Even. Brush. Her. Teeth. Or. Take. Her. Bath. Arathi. Pig. Oink.
  27. Never tried marshmallows until last year, never tried cotton candy until this year and never tried Penang laksa and Nutella before. 
  28. Her childishness is only known to certain people that is me and she's very proud of it because people keep thinking she's a serious granny
  29. She tried to persuade me to be the NEW GRANNY but I don't want because Granny is only for old grumpy serious people like her
  30. A fan of teh tarik and roti canai 
  31. Owns an alpaca and a unicorn!! She's the mother of all unicorns and keeps inviting unicorns into our room hmm I barely see one before except hers 
  32. She sleeps with her small bantal busuk soooo cuuutteeee righttt
  33. Her daily sentence is "May, don't look here" HAHAHA XD
  34. During the water crisis, she was so greedy that she got herself two BIG pails and went to fill them up. Tengok tengok she couldn't even lift them up and called me to help her instead -,-
  35. Moral session starts at 8. At 7.50 she would say, "May let's go" 
  36. She orders pizza every weekend banyak duit uwuu
  37. When she wants me to help her, she'll do a cute face and whine like a baby and I'll just look at her with an annoyed face and she will win eventually hmph
  38. Her favourite EXO member is: Sehun because she said he looks like orang putih and is so handsome well well Arathi good choice
  39. The easiest way to annoy her is.. Play Frozen songs in Malay version XD
  40. She laughed so hard at the part, "JINX JINX AGAIN" changed into Malay, "SAMA SAMALAH"
  41. During normal days, she studies. During exam weeks, she watches dramas and movies. Awesome right.. then by the next morning she wouldn't go down for breakfast and whine, "MAYYYY I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO STUDYYYYY"
  42. My style is to sleep late during holidays. When she knows this she was like, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU MAY HOLIDAYS ARE MEANT FOR SLEEPING EARLY. APELAH KAU TIDUR LEWAT" 
  43. When she converses in BM it sounds weird like hell you would just wish she talks in English
  44. When I talked with my friend over the phone in Kelantanese, she would look at me after that and say, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND A FREAKING WORD YOU SAID. WHY KELANTANESE LANGUAGE IS SO DIFFERENT HAH"
  45. The only Kelantanese sentence she knows how to use it is, "GAPO MUNG" which basically means, "APE KAU" 
  46. She would then use 'gapo mung' 'gapo mung' in the room and I will shoot her my most annoyed look
  47. When there is spot check both of us would be like "WEYH WEYH HURRY THEY MIGHT BE COMING NEAR"
  48. The only outing that we went is to Bangi Gateway with Kak Ngah and Azhar. We went there pun because PTSL is closed. Dahlah jalan penat penat hampeh ish
  49. I used 'Pergh' once and she asked what does 'Pergh' means and I said like it's an expression when you're angry or excited or jealous or something like that lah (IDK how to explain okay haha) and when she used it, it doesn't fit the sentence or the situation at all 
  50. She planned to pollute me with her 'pervertness' by June. But I'm proudly to say that I'm not infected at all. 
  51. I call her Grandmama, others call her Granny
  52. When she scolds, everyone will get so quiet no one dares to say anything even me lol
  53. She's very hardworking, she sanggup wash all her clothes by hand! IDK what to say in this case
  54. Stared at me very hard when I laughed so hard, watching YouTube videos when she was still having her exams
  55. Ended up watching the videos with me too lol
  56. The only French word she taught me that I remembered, "Oui!" because it sounds like my surname Wee :D
  57. She corrects my grammar in the room when I talk
  58. But sometimes because I talk very fast and I never bother my grammar when I'm talking informally, she has no power to correct my countless grammar mistakes anymore. So.. she doesn't correct my grammar that much actually haha
  59. And this Grandmama feeds me like I'm a pig :3 She forces me to eat her chocolate, cereal, box drink etc because she says she's on diet. SO ALL THE FATS ARE GIVEN TO ME nice game huh
  60. We often danced in the room. She taught me her Punjabi (or Indian?) dance while I taught her my Korean dance. And we danced to Monchichi by Joseph Germani too! WOOOHOOO
  61. Because of her frequent trip of going home, she keeps making me jealous by telling me how many hours left to her Dad coming to fetch her >.<
  62. The best way for her to irritate me: Change her voice to a high-pitched kid's voice and whine on unnecessary stuffs
  63. She REALLY SUCKS IN DRAWING. Her drawing of cow is mistaken for a crab. *facepalm
  64. Reminds me so many times to plan her sweet sixteen birthday well because I'm her bloody roommate but NOW I'M NOT HER BLOODY ROOMMATE ANYMORE IN THE SECOND SEMESTER THIS IS SAD MAN
  65. She plays 2048 everytime before she sleeps
  66. She often scares me with the Slenderman thingy when she's not around Permata and left me alone in the room
  67. She tried to teach me British slang but I think I'll just stick to American and Australian and Malaysian style okay mate
  68. Her taste of music isn't my style but my taste of music is usually her style except for the fact that I like slower music and instrumental covers while she doesn't really like them that much. She likes faster songs I guess :3
  69. Things that I teach her to do (Imma proud grandchild): Listen to On Our Way and got addicted, watch P/S: I Love You, sleep late, play Asphalt 8: Airborne, watch EXO Showtime and their music videos (when she didn't even layan K-Pop all this while), be messier LOL, be less perfect because she's having serious case of OCD haha, sing 1D songs yeayy, teach her some iPhone tricks ;) and etc 
  70. She's taking Ass Pee Em this year yaabeedaabeedoo 
  71. The last fact: SHE'S NOT MY ROOMMATE ANYMORE AND I'M NOT HER ROOMMATE ANYMORE IN THE DAMN SECOND SEMESTER OF MINE AND HER DAMN LAST SEMESTER
Well I think this is enough. Bet there are numerous of mixed tenses here and grammatical errors I don't care. I just write what I think. LOL. 

And yeah BTW for those who don't know, we are friends since 2010. We share the same RA in 2010, the same course CSI in 2011, still buddies in 2012 even though she's KTP and I'm in Cryptology and yeah 2013, we got separated and it's so sad but hell yeah in 2014, we're in one room! We have a small group of us since 2010 which is made up of me, her and Vivien. :X But there's bigger groups lah that we eventually made after that like Moral group, CSI group, Kak Nad's group and bla bla bla 

So yeahh.. Wanna do the same for me, bro? Cc Arathi hahahahahahahahaha if you have time :X

May 16, 2014

Missing Home

Whew! It's already the middle of May! I can't believe I am still staying here, in Permata after five months leaving my family which is about 500 kilometers away. I miss home. Especially now that holiday is approaching.

Can't wait to see the greenery side of Kelantan. Can't wait to speak in Kelantanese with people around me. Can't wait to speak in Hokkien+English+slight Kelantanese language with family members. Even if I do, I can only speak through the phone with Mom, Dad or with my sister in that so-unique-language only four of us can understand.

Life back in Kelantan is nice. In Perak too, my hometown. Where I was borne. Life here in Permata is also nice. I'm so grateful to feel everything now. Thank you.

I will continue to survive. And will do so until the very last of my life.

Apr 29, 2014

Grades

Hey I'm back again to talk about something that I think bothers most of the students today. Which is grades. Since it's again another studying-for-exam mode, it seems to be a normal conversation or thought among students about grades and their importance. We keep arguing about grades being a not good measurement to students nowadays. Well, most of us. Somehow teenagers are keen to always protest whatever the government does, right? Then when they maybe eventually work in government sectors, they will have major problems to regain their ego and retreat what they once did. True? Sadly, yes.

Some said grades is good because it would make the students strive hard. And it also would create a benchmark among the good and weak students. It would give the top students their right hold opportunity for being smart. But some said grades isn't good because it's only based on exams. Students who did not perform well will be shunned and will not be given chances. And teachers will not treat them fairly as how the teachers treat the good students. And grades only measure your memory, not intelligence.

"You get good grades, that's because you are a nerd; you memorize the book and not because you're genius."

That type of saying always appears anywhere, even on websites. But is it that true? Is is true that grades system is wrong? Is it true that grades system is right? Or neither? I pick neither. Why?

You see. Usually the students who keep protesting this kind of system is not right, are those who did bad in their exams. They must have got shunned by people, or felt so low confident and embarrassed. So as the result, they would of course blame the whole system and claim that they are smart, but not academically and the system should have not assess  the students based on exams only. The system is wrong as shit and teachers are not fair and stuffs like that.

While those who did very well in their exams, would say there's nothing wrong with the system since all privileges are given to them. They work hard, study hard or their brains are very good in learning new stuffs, would of course get good results in exams. It's their perseverance and their talent to gain such good results. They see grades as a perfect system for them because everything is a piece of cake for them and they don't care much for weaker students too. And exam's questions are not all based on your memory of reciting facts only. Mathematical questions requires HOT and ability, so those who excel are smart. They believe that its up to someone's capability to be successful.

...

Try to put yourself in these two different positions. And after that, view it from a neutral view.

You can easily conclude that these two sides are just protecting their dignity and just view the whole case from their point of view. Every one has their own ego but different levels.

As for me, I'm not a very good and a very weak student. I'm just a normal student. I personally think that by hating or loving this grades system is lunatic. This system ain't bad and ain't good at all. System can't hurt feelings. It is not a concrite object. It's a system, an abstract thing.

For me, grades is good to assess students. BUT students must not be shunned by teachers or other superior students. That's wrong and that ain't have anything to do with the system. It's something to do with your surrounding society's mindsets. So, weak students wouldn't feel sad or so low when everyone is open-minded. If they still feel so, then that's because they are too weak to get up and face the music. That kind of people should just jump from a cliff.

That's why PBS is created. The actual purpose of PBS is to create a holistic student. But it's up to you to think whether it works or not.

Conclusion: Grades ain't good and ain't bad. Good students should not be egoistic and weak students shouldn't do the same and instead don't give up than saying, 'IDGAF'. That is just so wrong. Your mental is so wrong.

SO WEAK STUDENTS MUST FIND ANOTHER WAY TO SHINE YOUR OTHER TALENTS! BE PATIENT WHEN OVERCOMING OTHERS' PERSPECTIVES ON YOU! GOOD STUDENTS, JUST CONTINUE BECAUSE YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR PATH. CONGRATES! 

Apr 19, 2014

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Hi. I'm so bored. Duh. I have lots of stuffs to do actually; finishing my homework, updating story, taking care of my throat, and thinking of random stuffs.

So there are a lot of things that happened this week. Well sort of. I currently have nice good friends but most of them are boys (there are girls too by the way). Literally. I have two good buddies among my Moral friends and I have good male classmates and I have a nice senior who helped me and yeah. We are all nice friends. And none of us likes to talk about idle stuffs. I guess boys do not really like to talk about gossips and crushes. Wait, is that stereotype? Nah, I don't know. I'm a sort of boyish girl. I'm physically a girl but I portray some boyish characteristics too. I don't really like long shopping trips, pretty shoes, pretty clothes. Except for the part that I'm easily scared, like most girls. Wait, is that stereotype again? Laugh out loud.

We usually talk about ideas and imagine stuffs. We talk about religions too. Usually I talk on this topic with my other Moral friends. We always share our views on each other's religions and debate on fairness within community. Instead of talking about crushes, which I think I don't have one, it's much way better to talk about these stuffs. I sometimes learn Japanese from one of my boy buddies. But of course we have fun too. Playing random games, singing songs and hitting each other. Wait. Hitting each other means I hit them, not they hit me. And by the word 'hit', is not the aggressive or flirtatious hitting. It's just punches on shoulders (when I'm too bored). Hihi.

I'm not sure if I have a crush or not. But having none is of course good. I don't have to waste my time on thinking 'him'. I already have so many male friends around me, so I already have all the protection a girl needs? Haha. Not forgetting my female friends. So I have my roommate, my classmates and my Moral friends. Of course they are the best when it comes to all girls issues. My classmates usually talk about crushes, which I don't really like the topic, mainly because I don't have one. But I still like to poke on them when their crushes are standing near them or well, whatsoever condition that may happen. I'm a naughty child.

While my Moral friends don't talk about crushes. Because.. everybody doesn't have one. That is what everyone said, I don't know if they actually have one. Well well haha. So we usually talk about our old schools and about religions. I really enjoy talking about religions with open-minded people, which no one thinks about converting anyone into their respective religions. You know some people tend to be close to others because all they think is to convert them. That is so not a sincere friendship. Luckily my close friends are all very open-minded (especially the Moral kids) and we don't mind talking about religions. I finally can share what I think of Buddhism, which I didn't really do in my old school. And I finally can learn so many other religions in my new school, here.

My roommate and I tend to talk about... everything? Well our topics are not that specific because we often share our stories. But somehow we like to talk about our homes. About how comfy our beds are in our homes, about how we spend our time with out family and about how we ended up here. She also tends to talk about her crush, but I don't really mind because she's the only one talking which is different with my class. My class's style is 7 people talking about crushes at the same time. How cool is that? And my roommate often treats me ChaTime - bubble tea! She would always buy Hazelnut Bubble Tea for me. My favourite. So sweet right? I should buy her her favourite Starbucks drink when I go out then.

I have lots more to talk of my batchmates and acquaintances. But that's all I can say about my close friends here. I'm missing my old good friends too.

DNA Camp next Thursday yeay!

Apr 6, 2014

I DON'T KNOW WHAT A CRUSH IS

Hi! I'm back to promote an online book which is available on Wattpad; I DON'T KNOW WHAT A CRUSH IS.

Please give me some support here and try to read this book. Once you've done, please comment so that your reading experience will be better in the next chapters!

You can read it here > I DON'T KNOW WHAT A CRUSH IS

It only has one chapter for the mean time but I assure you this book will continue if you give support to the author! :D

Thanks!

Apr 5, 2014

Conclusion : This Week

Hi. It's been a dull and cool Saturday today! Mainly because it's raining. Well yeah. So this post is about how this week ended; which is totally superb!

Regarding to my last post, which is Physics Olympiad Camp Day 1, I now want to write the rest of the days. But I don't think I will write it so damn long like that one because I'm too lazy. And because I've used to being stupid in the camp. LOL.

The second day wasn't a day that we all waited for. Mainly because we're going to learn Magnetism. Gosh. Magnetism is like way harder than Electricity. I can barely understand what the teacher is saying except for the first one hour because she was busy talking about how auroras are made; which sparked my interest a little bit. Then after that she kept on teaching the real craps of Magnetism and I was like, "well hmm yeah oh" all the time in her class. And by the way, the teacher's name is Madam Chin. I sat beside Ryan this time and as usual I told him to keep concentrate in the class. Well, he did at first, but he continued to play his Candy Crush (I just can't understand him and Candy Crush) and slowly dozed off. I had to poke him several times for him to wake up. Although I was the one who must poke him, I was actually the one who was feeling sleepy too. Air-cons and long equations on the board: The perfect condition to sleep. I tried to stay focus and basically, Magnetism wasn't much stressful. Because you know what? Because I got used to be blur on the first day. So being blur again for the second day, wasn't so new to me. Which explains why my reaction isn't that big in this post.

Time crept to the third day of the camp, Thursday. And we would be learning... MODERN PHYSICS. Wow, sounds like a perfect torture for the day. As we boarded the bus, we noticed that Syahir wasn't around. We were already in the bus and so did everybody else, except him. I called him so many times and he wouldn't answer. We were like, "Is he still sleeping? Doesn't his roommate help to wake him up?" So the bus was still waiting and after like 10-15 minutes, we pushed off. So the conclusion is, we sort of left Syahir that day. He wasn't with us during the whole day, instead he said, he overslept till 12 noon! That's another story.

Modern Physics.

Un-freaking-believably, I like it!

This guy called Dr Geri taught us Modern Physics and yeah, he is a funny and kind man. I think it's slightly (just slightly) easier because everyone is new to it, even the 1995 students, I think. So everyone learns from basics, rather than the topics of Magnetism and Electricity; which is kinda hard for Permata team to understand because we don't have the basics yet. Maybe that's why I tend to concentrate on this topic more than the others. So I was asking him questions about the equations after the classes finished. Then he asked me, "You are from Permata, right? How many of you are here?"

Me: "Yeah, there's ten of us."
Dr Geri: "Form 4 or Form 5?"
Me: "All of us are Form 4."
Dr Geri: "Oh so it must be harder for you guys to understand these equations and bla, bla, bla (I can't remember, okay.)
Me: "Um.. actually in school we just finished learning Momentum."

He gasped and look at me, in a unbelievable way and he continued, "Oh, uh, ah.. really.. It should be really hard for you guys.. then I wish you guys can do the best for tomorrow's exam lah. Just do your best."

That 'lah' was simply hilarious. It sort of meant that it was impossible for us to score the exams tomorrow. He was really nice, and yeah, but how do you expect us to score?! We're just little, innocent, childish Form 4 students. *makes a cute face

So yesterday was the final and exam day! I was having butterflies, not because I'm worried if the papers are hard or not, I'm actually worried what am I going to write on the exam papers! The papers are all subjective and NO FORMULAS GIVEN. Despicably awesome. What a way to torture us. Well, I did study and tried to memorize the formulas but well, I am not the type of student who can memorize everything without understanding what does it mean. So I ended up failing to memorize the formulas, because I don't understand a single thing about them and went to sleep.

Almost all Permata team sat in the same examination room except for Cos and Haqiem. It was kinda comfortable because the air-con wasn't so cold and we know each other in the room. The exam lasted for three hours. With the utmost confidence, I answered the Quantum Physics questions first. I can only do Part A but I didn't care because as long as I get 1 mark, it's considered very victorious for me. Electricity and Magnetism questions.. blurgh. I don't know what did I write but for sure they are so wrong. To sit in a quiet room for 3 hours was kinda boring. Then the exam was over and everyone gathered to discuss the answers. Only then I realized...

I MADE A TERRIBLE, EMBARRASSING, UNFORGIVABLE CALCULATING MISTAKES.

And it happened to be in the questions that I answered with the utmost confidence, that is Part A Modern Physics. I JUST PRACTICALLY LOST ALL THE 10 MARKS. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I actually just got over thinking about this but when I think about it again, I can't help but to scream loudly ARRRRRGGGGHHH I'M JUST SO STUPID TO MAKE A SILLY MISTAKE!!!!!!

I really respect and like Dr Geri, so that's why I want to do my best in Modern Physics and I JUST GOT THEM WRONG. DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATED I AM. IT FEELS LIKE I'M THE MOST STUPID PERSON IN THE WORLD. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MISTAKE IS DUE TO YOUR CARELESSNESS AND OVER-CONFIDENCE. IT HURTS SO MUCH. I JUST CAN'T.. ARGH!

The formula is correct but I calculated it wrongly. I must convert the 'nanometer' to 10^-9 meter but I didn't and it caused me a different answer and, and, and I GOT IT WRONGGGGGGG!

P/S: I think I really need to stop this because if I do not, I will blame myself for the whole day.
P/S/S: I'm so sorry Dr Geri.. :(
P/S/S/S: A note to myself and to the readers, DON'T BE OVERCONFIDENT AND CHECK YOUR EXAM PAPERS A FEW TIMES (which I literally didn't)
P/S/S/S/S/: If I have another chance to join this again, I'll do my utmost best in it! But that's so impossible because I might not get the offer again...
P/S/S/S/S/S: Enough of blaming myself and this too-many-of-capital-letters. Now bye peeps. I might write another post later. 

Apr 1, 2014

Physics Olympiad Camp Day 1

Hello! I am in the mood of posting a new entry again! Well it's actually because I have sorta free time now since this week is all about revealing exam results that everyone is waiting and isn't waiting. I'm waiting for them but I'm waiting for good ones! So, this week every one's mood is a little bit down as what I can see, maybe because some didn't get the marks they expected.

But that's not what I'm trying to focus in this entry. Instead.. it's about PHYSICS OLYMPIAD CAMP.

Actually I was in the 'exam results' mood when suddenly yesterday, Syahir called me during Biology. He said I was picked and offered to enter Physics Olympiad Camp. Then he said all the instructions given to register and he said the Olympiad was to be held this week. I'm like, "What, what, what?! THIS WEEK? When will it start??" "Tomorrow." "WHAT"

So I was like kinda panic, happy, grateful, glad and some more other mixed emotions at that time. One, I was panic because the Olympiad is held 'tomorrow' which is today and I don't know what will we learn or compete or whatsoever. Two, I am happy and grateful that I finally get something to join! An Olympiad camp bro! It's like almost joining an Olympiad bro! That's an honour for me, especially for me, because I never join an Olympiad camp before. And this will be good for my co-curriculum activities marks since I'm not so active joining them. Three, I'm glad that I got this offer and got picked by Miss Dini, our Physics teacher (she teaches the whole batch), instead of me trying to join every single audition but ended up failed in every single one of them. So this Olympiad is finally something that people actually think I deserve it, instead of rejecting me and not giving me a try. 

I went to register with Ryan and what shocked me is that every other participants are born in 1995, three years older than me - the same age as my sister! I was like, "What? Are we kinda lost here?" Then I started to worry. What if we can't do it? I mean although we are considered talented and gifted (which is 100% false in my case), but our Physics knowledge still can't be compared to them! Well we can but none of us did read advanced Physics because maybe we are not that interested and also because we don't have much time to do so. I ended up thinking about this Olympiad the whole day and night.


So today, the ten of us from Permata are like weirdos. The other participants were looking at us like we're aliens from Mars. Enough to make me even more self-conscious. We boarded bus and headed to School of Applied Physics, which is located in UKM too. Others brought all types of thick STPM and college Physics reference books while we brought nothing except for childish and innocent smiles on our faces. The number of girls participants is indeed very small compared to the boys. Even in Permata team, I'm one of the three girls of out ten participants. Seems that I be more active in spreading STEM in girls. You can read my last post to know more about my opinion on STEM, by the way.

Mr Yap, a guy from this Physics department, I guess, is the one who kinda manage us. He was at the registration yesterday and he greeted us into the hall just now. So today we learnt Electricity from Mr Wee - same surname with me! And you know what,

IT'S A HORROR.

The first thirty minutes was okay. Luckily I was in Advanced Physics last summer camp. It helped me.. but not that much after that. IT BECAME HARDER. I was convincing myself this was just a challenge. You can catch up May, it's just because it's something new but you can sure do it. So with this kind of positive thinking in my mind, I survived the first period. Then there was tea break.

Soon after tea break we continued our session again. It didn't go any easier as I scratched my head as new equations came out one by one. Since the others already learnt it in their respective schools, the Permata team was like speechless and thoughtless. Mr Wee then told us that he hoped we can catch up. I was grateful for his kindness but seriously all of us was like, "No way man". It was really getting harder and I couldn't see what he wrote on the board because literally everyone is so tall, have big heads and my eyesight isn't that good. I think I should get spectacles. With confusing symbols, equations and the I-can't-see problems, time was tough. Ryan was the first who gave up and he kept drawing unicorns since then to keep himself occupied. Permata team was looking at each other, giving the do-you-understand-these-craps? looks. So that was the end of session two.

After lunch my mood got better and I have hopes that I would be able to concentrate and understand better. Well I did make it but that lasted for the first fifteen minutes. Sad life, it sure was. I got tired of being stupid. For the first time in my life that when I get questions, I would look blankly on the paper because I don't know what to answer. I was in the brink of giving up but I always motivated myself to carry on. So I tried to listen and understand what the professor was teaching in front. Syahir who sat beside me was also getting a little fed up and he slept after that. I couldn't even sleep. I was thinking, how am I gonna answer Miss Dini if she asks what did we learn? My interest to learn got worse as Calculus calculating came into action. What the heck? My head just cracked into five more deep lines of scarred-by-Electricity.

After three sessions of Electricity, we had tea break again, and another deadly last session of Electricity. Mr Wee went faster because he said we were learning at quite a slow speed so he sped across the slides. I was determined to learn, so I did my best in concentrating. Finally a quite easy theory came - Kirchoff's Law! I learnt it in Advanced Physics, so it did help a little bit but eventually I forgot most of what I learnt last time. I need to dig out my Advanced Physics files tonight, then. When it was over, everyone gave a small sigh of relief. Or is it just me?

After four stressful sessions, we got into the bus to come back to Permata again and during the bus ride, I laughed a lot with my fellow Permata teammates. I am much closer to my teammates, like Muaz and others who were actually just normal batchmates to me before. At least there is something to laugh on after a bad day. 

Unfortunately this is just Day 1. I have a few days more to come. Feeling sooooo excited! -Pure irony- But I am actually excited to meet my Advanced Physics Key Instructor, Cikgu Wan, who will be teaching us on Thursday. I am actually excited to meet all the teachers - but not so much on the subjects. I like Physics because it's an extraordinary subject but today just scarred my brain. It will heal soon, no worries. Because I am an optimist. I won't give up easily.

LET'S ENJOY PHYSICS OLYMPIAD CAMP!  

Mar 27, 2014

Research and STEM

Holidays are here! Hoooooray!

So many things happened lately and I thought I should share some here. "Writing (in this case, typing?) is my soul". I boarded the flight by myself from LCCT to Kota Bharu last Saturday. And I am here, in my home sweet home, enjoying last bits of holidays. It's already Thursday, and it indicates that holidays are going to end no much longer. So, I SHOULD SLEEP, EAT, READ AND PLAY AS MUCH AS I WANT. That's my plans for holidays.

Now.. what did I want to share already?

About my research! Well, in Permata, it's a must to do a research about anything that you want, that you're interested in, that you're curious in. Most of us were having problems to choose their research topic, but not me, of course. I chose to do a research on diabetes. I want to find a cure, a permanent end to this disease. Of course, it's not that I like pharmacy or I want to work as a pharmacist. My current research topic is to determine whether panax ginseng can lower down blood sugar levels and eventually cure Type 2 diabetes. My friend said, "Oh girls, with their Biology again?!" I was like, "What the heck does this have to do with Biology?!" Such a typical view on girls and Biology < I'll cover this topic later. A lot asked why did I choose this. My answer is simple: Because I want to end diabetics' sufferings. Having family members who have diabetes is enough to set a strong curiosity and anger in me to destroy this metabolic disorder once and for all. Did I sound like I want to kill someone? Haha, but yeah it seems so. But I'll guess I need to change my topic soon. I don't really like the idea of panax ginseng because as we all know, it's a damn expensive plant. But that is just for my mini proposal, and I haven't met my mentor yet, so I can still change the topic anyways.

I would like to do some kind of more advanced research on this like drugs, beta cells, or even radiotherapy treatment but a friend of mine suggested that it would be kinda hard. So, I listened to her but I will do those experiments.. when I become an eligible pharmacist, or a pharmacy researcher? Eventually, I have an ambition now. That is to be a pharmacist. I never had an exact ambition before until now. But.. will this stay constant until forever?

The main problem for me to find a suitable ambition is, that I like everything! Unlike some people, they might find Biology, Physics, Add Maths or even English is annoying for them. I love everything, I want to do everything, I want to work as.. EVERYTHING. Now, that's the catch. I can only study one when I take my degree or whatsoever (I'm not so good in these uni thingy). Well, of course I can study others after that.. But still knowledge is too vast. If only I can learn them all at one go, my mind would totally crack I guess. BUT LEARNING EVERYTHING IS AMAZING. So, practically I'm trying to say here is that, school is somehow amazing. That's because we're learning everything in school. Only when we pursue our studies, we'll have to choose one or two but not all fields. Sigh

Okay, now I'll recover about STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) in girls. I read an article on 50 Top Genius Teenagers in the world, and I am certainly not one of them by the way. In that list, there are like so many boys and a little amount of girls. There's this one girl from USA, I guess, tries to open up girls' minds that we must indulge in STEM to qualify ourselves in the same par as the boys. And I have to say, this girl is my twin.

We totally agree on the same thing and this is what I'm trying to do also.

In class, boys will always moan during Biology while girls will always moan during Physics and Add Maths. FYI, this is a typical situation, it may not apply to all. A friend of mine, a boy, saw me walking excitedly to Biology class, and he said, "I can't stand Bio man, it is such a girls' subject."

I stopped and turned back, "Oh really.. who says so?" with a sarcastic tone. I love being sarcastic, sometimes.

During Physics, someone said, "Ah Physics, boys can learn it quickly because they love calculating and it's their main subject and because they're smarter. While girls.. they find it boring and they are not so good in Physics, because they like Bio more! And their minds ain't suitable for this tough subjects, same like Add Maths."

I'm like, "What the hell?"

So, when these kind of situations pop out, people set their minds like that too. Such a typical *yawns* mindset. *yawns again*

GIRLS AND BOYS can be good in anything! When you set your mind like that, it appears to me that you are lowering your mind capability, your IQ, and embarrassing your own gender and criticizing the opposite gender too! If you are so smart in Physics, then how come a very easy like ABC subject like Bio, you can't score? Then the another typical mindset comes... It's because girls are hardworking, they are willing to memorize, we, the boys are too lazy because we are smart enough. This crap is like how-many-centuries-ago kind of thought. I have to correct that BIOLOGY is not all about MEMORIZING (unless you think so, which I don't). BIOLOGY IS ALL ABOUT UNDERSTANDING AND MEMORIZING, NOT JUST PURE MEMORIZING. When you don't understand, of course you won't remember what you are memorizing and then, you don't score. And you go all the way blaming Biology? Why don't you just blame your brain and try to take back that lame excuse? Duh.

So now comes the all calculating and mathematics subjects. Girls. Sigh. Everyone is like damn seriously smart. It's just that we are not confident enough to show out capabilities. Girls, I don't know why, always think that, boys are smarter in Maths while we, the girls are better in literature and perhaps Biology as what everyone says. It is a fact and we can't change it and.. stop. That is another kind of crap that should be extinct by now. Open up your eyes, girls! Open up your brains, girls! I don't care if this affects a person, or a small group of people, because it means that their brain are keen into literature or stuffs equivalent to that. The problem now is that, everyone believes THE SAME THING.

Everyone is different, you see.  

I don't blame girls who like Biology and boys who like Physics and Add Maths. That is up to them because it's their brains. It's their cups of tea. BUT WHEN THINGS GO HAYWIRE AND AFFECTS THE WHOLE COMMUNITY WITH THESE TYPICAL MINDSETS, it ain't taking us anywhere. Our society will be lame enough to be called llamas. (lame sounds like llama)

When I have female friends who have the courage to be engineers, I really respect them. They know they will be the minority, yet they choose what they like. That applies the same to boys. I respect my male friends who wanted to be doctors. They are all SMART ENOUGH to unleash what they like, than following what the society says.

And here I am, talking about STEM when I still have no freaking idea what to be in the future. But for sure, I will be in STEM and LITERATURE fields. I am going to make that happen, simply because.. I love everything.

P/S: No offence, this is just another bit of my crazy thoughts. Thank you.
P/S/S: I just want everyone to use all parts of their brain and be smarter.
P/S/S/S: I'm no smarter than you either. No worries.


Mar 11, 2014

Mid semester

HI. Somehow it's been quite a long time since I updated this rusty and dusty blog with a new post. I miss writing and typing! So I'm reaching my mid semester soon and there will be EXAM and HOLIDAYS. 

So many things happened. I still can't believe that I'm studying in a boarding school actually. Every time I try to recall what am I supposed to do here (school), I remember I'm here, away from my parents which is 484 km apart, to study. Sometimes I feel a little bit homesick. Life is good here it's just that when I think how lonely my parents are, is saddening me. I wish they are not so far away from me. :( 

I was living a perfect happy life here until a big crisis happens. WATER CRISIS. There's no water all over Permata and I'm so frustrated. Who doesn't? But that makes me realize that I've been such a spoilt brat before. I never appreciated water as how I appreciate it today. The whole school complex has no water except for the tanks that Selangor water company (SYABAS) provides us every day. 

Toilets are smelly. People are stinky (this is just a hyperbole). Especially toilets! Toilets.. oh my God. I don't know who are so irresponsible, that after they have 'done their business', they didn't flush you see! Although there's no water, at least take a pail of water from the tank and flush 'them' off. Aiyo, humans nowadays. We are in a so-called gifted school but we are not well-taught enough about cleanliness. Or to be more exact; think about others. 

Done talking about water. Now I have mid semester exam coming up! Woohoo! *raising hands 'excitedly' 

First paper would be this Friday. Sigh, I just hate exams. And exams here will be slightly different because our marks would be affected by our carry marks. I hope my carry marks are good enough. And I really hope the teachers will not ask things that we don't know. I mean, the things that are so beyond syllabus that we don't even have time to explore and read and MEMORIZE. That's the real point.

I like studying but I don't like exams. If we don't have exams, we can just study anything without any worries that we can't memorize them all. See? Well they say we don't have to memorize texts because understanding the texts is enough. Well, that works on Mathematics and Add Maths. What about Biology? History?! As if my brain is that awesome. T.T

Somehow doing a slight revision is a must. I tend to forget everything. This is so sad. But I just hope I'll do my best. *fingers crossed 

To those in Permata and everyone else, good luck! Let's face exams together *raise eyebrows

And I seriously miss seeing water flowing continuously from the pipes in Permata. 

Jan 24, 2014

PPPP (Quad P)

Tonight I'm in the mood of blogging again since I have so much time for the meantime. I should appreciate it before it finishes. Today is Friday and is my fifth day being in my new school. We just finished our orientation week, so the management is giving us a few days of total rest before we start our studies next Monday.

I don't know whether I'm thrilled to study or not. Well orientation was boring, but studying is tiring. It seems that both sides aren't that fun aye? I get lots of friends (lots?) and exposure to how it is being here. Get to know seniors, juniors, teachers, the management and bla bla bla.

I never thought that I'm actually living in a boarding school now. I mean, in my whole life, I thought I'm just gonna spend my whole school life living with my parents until I further my studies to university. Well that is what my elder sister does. But I'm now living in a hostel and like so far far away from my parents. Which is like 484 km away from here. This is sad.

Though I am sad, but I am currently overcoming the sadness. I have plans here. And I want to make them happen. What I'm going to learn in semester 1 is Bahasa Melayu, English, Maths, Add Maths, Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Moral, History, Jati Diri and Research. While in semester 2 and 3, I'll have Calculus and Algebra. Not to forget that I have to learn an international language! I picked Korean out of Japanese, French, German, Arabic, and Mandarin. Shocked?

I didn't pick French because I never intend to learn that language. I am afraid if I take French, I'll not enjoy the class because I have no interest in it. While Japanese, I love Japanese. I thought of learning Japanese. But Japanese is a little bit cliche (Anyone, no hard feelings please. This is just my stupid opinion) and most of the students picked Japanese and French! So the classes will be packed man. German is not my taste. Arabic and Mandarin, I already have the basics. So.. I go with Korean.

Mom and Dad are sceptical about my choice to learn Korean. Mom said to me I must not be influenced by K-pop. Well, I like K-pop. I mean, I listen to Korean songs and watch Korean movies and variety shows. But let me say it right, I'm not a fanatic fan of K-Pop. I enjoyed K-Pop because of their choreography not because of those handsome, fair Korean lads. My heart really said I want to learn Korean. So.. I followed it and here I go! It's Korean time!

I'm in BBSM, badminton club and voluntary club for co-curriculum.

I'm seriously looking forward to studying but all the seniors said I'm gonna regret what I said. Because there are tonnes of homework, assignments and presentation to be done. That scares me a little but I'm a TOUGH girl! Yeay

So.. I'll update more next time! Bye!


Jan 3, 2014

2014

Let me say some.

2013 is over. I'm doing the most cliche thing ever that is to write a new post on a new year. It's 3rd of January. That means I'm late. It's not special anymore. But I'm a stubborn girl. So I'm still going to write.

So 2013 ended with good news. My short story is going to be published. Yay. I got straight As for PMR. Yay. My family gave me an iPhone 5C. Yay. I got in Quad P. Yay.

With these so much good news, I couldn't sleep for a few nights. I'm too thrilled. Too ecstatic. Filled with euphoria. Everything seems like a perfect dream, which I'm really afraid it IS just a dream.

So now it's 2014, what's past is past and what's now is now. I'm 16, well according to Malaysia's government though I'm still young 15. Which means I'm now in Form 4. Which means I will be learning Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Add Maths because I'm taking Pure Science. So new year, new age, new form, new subjects.

But not for long. I'll be moving to another school which I waited for so long, that is Quad P. A special school it is indeed in the National University of Malaysia. When people around me know about this, they are like:

"CONGRATS!"

"YOU'RE JUST 16 AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO UNIVERSITY?"

"YOU'RE GOING TO A BOARDING SCHOOL?"

"WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO THERE?"

"WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCES?"

And I answered patiently though it takes some time, which is a little bit bothersome but I still have to open up the community's mind about the existence of Quad P. Going there perhaps means I'm going to learn international languages, Calculus, Algebra etc. It's gonna be a whole new world and experience.

Though recently, I keep questioning myself, what is the main reason I want to go to that freaking school? Dot dot dot.

I DON'T KNOW.

Well I want new experiences, and I wanna get out from my old school, and I wanna meet my friends and then.. what more?

I would choose my main reason is to get new experiences. Well that's what I've been telling everyone. But what do my heart actually say?

I DON'T KNOW.

New experiences. I don't know will that mean new BAD experiences or new GOOD experiences. Of course anyone would have hope for good ones. But I'm quite or maybe, VERY excited to know what will happen there.

But is life that easy?

Going there is sure damn difficult and I need to have some time to get used of it. But there should be something wonderful behind it. Something nice, something you won't find them somewhere else.

Being in my old school, I also found something that I won't find in my new school. It is the same in anywhere. No matter where or how or when.

I might have a brighter future there, a place where I can say what I stand for. Where I might decide where should I head after I finish my studies.

But for the meantime, I would prefer to say the reason I go there is to find new experiences.

And I hope it will stay the same forever and will keep me strong.