Nov 12, 2015

Family

Two of us were in the kitchen, cleaning bean sprouts to cook for dinner.

"Ah May... I wonder why would you agree to stay with us during the holidays?"

"What do Ah Ma mean?"

"I mean, we didn't take care of you before unlike your elder sister. You don't have to actually come back here every holidays but instead you come back every time. I thought you would never like to stay here, especially this holidays because your sister couldn't make it, but you still come back to accompany us."

I looked at my grandmother. Her eyes started to glimmer behind her spectacles.

"Ah Ma, why would you think that? Even though you did not take care of me when I was little unlike Che (my elder sister), both of you are still my grandfather and my grandmother. We are a family, so of course I come back. This is still my kampung (hometown), Ah Ma, because you two are here."

There was a silence, then she nodded slowly. I hoped she understood, and I knew she did. I did not say a word anymore and I too, continued cleaning.  

***

"You can never say never,
while you don't know when,
time and time again,
younger now than we were before.

Don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go." - The Fray

Nov 10, 2015

Perks of being an INFP

So I was very bored and I felt so lifeless so I ended up reading articles on INFP, which is a type of personality based on Myers-Briggs types (bla bla bla can definitely find more details in the Internet). Apparently I'm an INFP and I finally felt understood so much by a non-existent being. *cries* Anyway I don't really trust personality types but this one describes me like 90-95% accurately so yeah it's something big to me. The other 5-10% is because I believe there's only one and only me. *smiles smugly*

I'll just type down some excerpts that I find particularly very funny and accurate at the same time:

"Constantly being mistaken for an extrovert because you act goofy to those whom you've never met, and being able to witness the confusion on their faces when you proudly announce that you're actually an introvert."

"We can be very negative... people always seem to think we're always optimistic about everything. That every INFP is so cheerful that their farts send out rainbows and their burps lovely little flowers of joy."

"We don't like focusing on solely one thing. A lot of kids and teenagers growing up, usually only have one thing in mind that they want to be, and one thing only. If they don't have one thing in mind, they're usually very unsure about what they want to be. INFPs are very different, in the sense that, mostly thanks to their idealistic nature, they'll likely have multiple things in which they'd like to be."

""Name one thing you want to be when you grow up." Only one? Why one, when I have so many?"

"We just find so many things fascinating, that it would be boring to learn, or do one thing for the rest of your life."

"Naturally they all didn't get it, my point is we don't like sticking to one thing for the rest of our life."

"...best solution that I can think of is to distract us... The third best is with food, especially if we're hangry people... that is people who get angry/moody when they're hungry."

And another link on 25 Joys only INFPs Will Understand: HERE

So yeah, the end haha.

P/S: I'm so sorry Mummy and Papa, I don't study hard enough these few days *cries* 

Nov 8, 2015

Drown

"What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead.
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take one more moment of this silence.
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up.

It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright.
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.

What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead.
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take one more moment of this silence.
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up.

It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.

'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
('Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.)

Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?

Save me from myself, don't let me drown."

- BMTH