2016 has almost come to an end. This is probably the last post for this year.
To be frank, I find 2015 a much better year than 2016. There are just so many uncertainties that have been building up this year but I positively believe it was for the good. I am just going to list stuffs before I end up spending so much time on this rather than my university application. Next point does not necessarily relate to the point before it.
Even though 2016 is not a generally happy year for me, I have to admit that there is a lot of surprises.
I feel suffocated most of the time. The ultimate reason for this is because I miss my old school life, especially its education system.
My moral meter is highly challenged throughout the year. I have seen too many betrayals and misconducts till the point I cried a lot. Not because I was hurt, but because others were hurt.
I have also become slightly more vocal in telling people the truth. There are several occasions (even the point before this) where problems would not be solved or peace would not occur if I had not voiced out. For these reasons, I am glad to express what I truly feel.
I have been self-reflecting a lot, no kidding.
I have never been challenged in class till A Levels Chemistry (memorising random catalysts and conditions for organic chemistry reactions is just…). I have never argued against the absurdity of strict marking schemes so fervently till A Levels. I have never been so dissatisfied in school till A Levels. I have never been told to “just memorise, don’t ask so many questions” till A Levels.
My touch disorder has, if not gotten worse, not improved. I would not really say it’s a disorder but maybe one of my idiosyncrasies. Aside from discovering more annoying clothes tags (some of which I used to be able to resist), I COULD NOT PLAY GAMES LIKE WHAT THE HECK SERIOUSLY. Even though I had a lot of practices and I am learning very, very hard to not show my discomfort to public, it seemed as if the 30-second-per-day training (initiated by my apartmentmates) and the touchy-touchy circle of friends I have do not help. I felt so bad after pulling out from the game (players have to hold hands) but my whole body just could not resist the ultimate discomfort. But I think my friends understood when I explained and it is important for them to know because I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like them.
Internet has become my best friend for studying. Twitter has become my best entertainment. Biographical movies, Sophie’s World, a compilation of Sherlock Holmes stories and guitar have been my best stress relievers. Questions, instead of answers, have been my muses. Sleep has been my best reward. UKM has become my dream vacation. US university application has been my getaway to a liberal education and ultimately, the best platform to discover who I am.
I always think I could avoid things from happening again, but nope.
I have not faced so many failures until this year.
I have not received such big achievements until this year too.
Aside from two-faced people, I have also known a lot of very kind people this year.
And those kind people are one of the few reasons why I last till today. And also, thank you to those old friends that have approached and given me a whole bunch of motivation.
I realised that I have basically turned bitter and self-blaming but I tried my best to not affect anyone with that. I am very sorry if I did.
My primary goals for 2017, aside from praying everyone to live well, are beat A Levels, get that goddamn excellent results by working my freaking ass off like how I did for my university applications, enjoy the company of my friends and family, live in the present but also remain in the depth of thoughts and never treat anyone and anything for granted. Any good resolutions will be added as time passes.
I will never change for the worse, but will ever change for the better.
Thank you for teaching me, 2016.