May 9, 2016

Gender Inferiority

Started semester exam horribly. Screwed all chemistry papers. The other three subjects' conditions: Unknown but slightly better than chemistry. Done with semester exam. Thought of the reports my parents and sponsor going to get from the college with red letters somewhere. Stopped thinking and slept for almost three hours. Woke up as a zombie, ate instant noodles, started drafting a few sentences for personal statement. Stopped and searched for physics course outline in Princeton. As how interesting it seemed to be, I gulped a tonne of saliva. Started to doubt myself for deciding on taking physics. Looked at my mid-semester tracking grade report. Not good. Searched for 'Do you need to be smart to study physics?' on Google. Read some articles. Managed to regain some self-confidence. Found another article on girls in physics. Puffs of anger steamed.

I don't know but all this while, I never regard any gender is more superior to the other in anything. Despite the stigma and apparent statistics, I still can't fathom why people should submit to that. It's just each person's damn preference. It doesn't mean girls cannot excel in physics or guys who study biology are 'soft'. Associating girls with life sciences and language and boys with engineering and physical sciences is one of the stereotypes I hate so much.

I can't stand it especially when there are girls who actually obey that, saying "Yah we are a bit dumber than guys. Guys can score without studying, they're sooooo much smarter than us" and keep degrading girls; their own gender like ugh I just can't fathom that. Why do you have to look down at your capabilities so much? Like just ugh I just can't stand that that whenever somebody says that I'll tell them right in the face, "Females are equally smart. No perhaps I should change that: There's no difference. It depends on individuals, not gender."

I won't declare myself as a feminist. I advocate for gender equality to opportunities no matter female or male. I won't say, "I'm a female physics undergraduate and I'm proud." instead I would say:
"I'm a female, I take physics and it's nothing particular. Because knowledge is for all."
There's a difference there, a HUGE one. That's why, sometimes I think it's not that necessary for a club "Society for Women in Physics" or something like that to be established (but regarding this, I have little disagreement about it so generally I wouldn't care that much if there are societies like this because it does give great help to some girls out there who need the external support.)

Personally, I never think about gender factor in pursuing knowledge. Knowledge is just there, take it if you want it. And if the statistics show, for example, most girls don't take physics, then let be it. You can conclude many girls don't major in physics but for society to induce that it's because girls are not capable to do physics? That's bullshit.

And it's so painful and downright frustrating to be in a society who thinks like that. I pity boys who get ridiculed for taking biology or history or language and to see them shunning away from taking what they want. Like, how do you even label a subject to be for 'girls and soft boys' I just don't get it. I sometimes am neglected in class physics discussion because well people just think that girls are not interested in physics and just gossips only??? Not even near to truth.

I know I may not be a total suitable person to advocate this because some might think "Yeah say this when you finally get an A******* for physics" well damn you because even if I fail, it's because of me, my own mistakes, my own capability and not my GENDER.

And there goes the anger.