Nov 6, 2016

What's your function in society?

A very stressful week for the month has ended! Now, I'll just pray that everything goes well. Permata has increased my stress meter but being a KY-YK now, it just got so much higher. I hope this will help when I get into university later, like how Permata has helped me go through this period now.

I can now play guitar, nap, watch YouTube videos, read Sophie's World and blog without feeling guilty that I should be doing something else more useful and urgent. That 'YASSSS' feeling. But of course, I'll need to write university essays along the way. Sooooo prepared for this!

What else do I want to write.... oh yes, one thing

I have been and always am thinking about my function in society: serve people? To what extent? Who deserves my utmost service? Or no, I should not divide my attention based on the degree of our proximity? But in real life, I do divide people around me - strangers, acquaintance, best friends and the way I approach these groups of people is distinct from each group to another group. I mean, not as in I wouldn't help strangers, no. Not in that context. But rather, what kind of language do I use, or my personality like I choose to be an introvert or an extrovert depending on the situation, or how open am I. 

Okay now I feel like I'm diverting from my main question...

I feel like my function in this society is mainly to be a supporter, rather than a reason. 

...? 

Okay, here's an easy example: relationship. I am not and don't want to be a reason for someone to fight for; basically I would feel really uncomfortable if someone is committed to me. But, I do not mind being committed to people like I would go support them all the way, give all my motivation for them to grow into better people (develop together), lend a hand when they are in need, offer myself when they need a shoulder to cry on et cetera.

It's like I'm not going extra mile because I like you and helping you makes me happy but because as a supporter, I am obliged and glad to do so! But if you feel obliged to do something for me for a return, then that is against my 'function'.  

And especially when I am under a scholarship, which means my education is supported by the people's money, I feel more responsible. 


"This scholarship is given to your community by the million of taxpayers through you" - Mr KB

Only when I give myself to my family and society, then my purpose of life is served.

Not that I am trying to be a saint altruist, but I really hope to be able to fulfill interests that benefit the whole society. I am able to focus to what I can contribute because I am aromantic ("An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships." bla bla bla, but you get the point). I am not sure if I really am, but it has been for a very long time and currently as well, I am aromantic. 

So I can share my support and love to everyoneeeee. If I don't do this, I don't know what to do with the spirit that I have anymore. But I do know, I can be such an awkward motivator but I'm trying to learn to be a good one! Folks who know me should know I'm the type who,

"GO GUYS, YOU CAN DO IT YEAH I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

And yes SPM 2016 takers, that's my wish to you. GOOD LUCK! 

Side note: Now I realised I actually have homework and tests waiting for me *cries*